Finnish TV Releases Unintentionally Hilarious PSA on How to Protect Yourself from Rapists

How insulting. You know what? In place of the normal frustration, I think I’ll just paste this comment Jani Laaksonen left on the video on Facebook that pretty much sums up what I’m thinking.

To all the foreign women. In case of getting sexually harassed in Finland:

1. Face the molester and raise either of your hands, palm forward, preferably with a mitten on it. The mere sight of this unerotic winter garment is usually enough to deprive your average assailant of any sexual expectations he might have had about the scenario.

Note: beware! Raising your hand to more than 90 degree angle might be interpreted as racist! This might attract any free roaming circus clowns in the area. That’s right – circus clowns. This is Finland.

2. So the attacker seems to be either resistant or very much into the mitten thing? Time to raise the stakes!

Now use BOTH your hands the way you did with only one previously. This will create an invisible denser-than-air mass of so-called life-force. Thrusting your palms forwards zaps this ethereal field, sending the sexually deviant white hetero man flying to his milky little behind.

The menacing effect can also be amplified verbally by a resolute “EI!” (meaning “No” but as all of the rapists and molesters are probably your typical Finnish carnivore males, an “Ei” will do). If you want to have a little fun with it you can add some hilarious subcontext with an 80’s Console Era war cry, such as the infamous “Hadouken!”. Heheh, get it? Because of the way your hand– never mind.

3. Okay, so the darned polar mongol still won’t back down and your Midi-chlorian count simply isn’t enough for yet another Force Push?

Fair enough – don’t panic! Remember the OC spray you ordered from Ebay last week? Yes, the one advertised to “make the f*cker bleed his eyes to Primordial Soup”, yes that’s the one!

Don’t use it. Leave it in your bag and let it give your swing some serious extra momentum as you crush the horny devil’s cranium to smithereens with your awesome weapon of makeup and selfie-device carrying Leather Sledge. You know you didn’t want to do this but he just gave you no choice. The man was basically begging to be pursed to death.

Unfortunately there’s nothing to be done with the sinister Steven Seagal-Inspired background action tune. We do not have any experience with it as it is a new phenomenon and here we embrace everything new and exciting. Cope with it.

Original vid on FB:

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